13 Secrets to Supporting Someone Who Is Grieving
LISTEN TO EP 32: ITUNES | SPOTIFY
To be honest, the holiday season is probably the worst time of year for me. These past 8 years without her have been tough. Even though I teach a lot about grief, I can’t take all of the credit. These past 8 years without my mom have been really tough, but my tribe has held me (and my very fragile mental space) down. But it can be confusing knowing how to support someone in their grief.
Short-Term Support
1. Reach out
Do the best you can to deal with your discomfort. Your efforts will comfort them.
2. Keep it simple
Sincerity will always matter more than being profound.
3. Divide funeral responsibilities
Be as proactive as you can— this is the last thing they want to do.
4. Offer assistance
You are putting a burden on them by saying “let me know what I can do.”
Long-Term Support
1. Remember the milestones
Birthdays, anniversary of the loss, holidays are all very hard. Plan something fun around those times. You can keep it simple!
2. Listen closely
This is just general life advice too. But especially now, if your grieving friend has broken the silence, now is your time to be quiet. Don’t listen to respond. Listen.
3. Share your memories
When the door to share your stories opens up, you will know. Share meaningful or happy memories of the lost loved one. Assure your friend they are not a burden and not alone.
4. Validate emotions
This is good general life advice too. Let them know that you accept them as they are without any judgements. They are experiencing so many feelings.
5. Address secondary losses
Your friend may be dealing with legal and financial issues because of their loss. Try to take some of the burden off of them— help give them resources.
6. Encourage self-care
The last thing a grieving person is thinking about is themselves. Talk to them about their daily routine and figure out how you can help. Then do it without asking how to help. Don’t let them spiral.
7. Honor your needs
Death will trigger feelings of your own past experiences. You may need to step back if helping is having an adverse affect on you. But be honest about your boundaries. Listen to this episode if you need tips on how to not ghost.
8. Consider counseling/therapy
This has helped so many people through grieving. Don’t be afraid to go to counseling with your friend or loved one who is grieving.
9. Adjust your expectations
We have all been duped. Death is not optional. Life teaches us to hold onto people like we own them. Death is certain. If you need help adjusting this expectation, check out my book here.
Be patient. Grieving takes time.
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